take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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