there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
