Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
