How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
