just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
