Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
