i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
