On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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