I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
