she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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