Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
