Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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