I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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