You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
