there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
