I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
