i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
