To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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