We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
