He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
