Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
that may or may not have been my penis.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
