The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
