I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
