Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
