I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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