Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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