plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
