Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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