Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
