Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
