You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
