I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
