seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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