So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
