Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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