dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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