matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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