Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
