my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
