fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think my moral compass just broke
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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