Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
