Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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