omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
