I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
