Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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