If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
