Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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