well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
