someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
