felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
