So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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