Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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